I looked up the definition of protocol and it said that it was a code of correct conduct. To me that could mean several things in and of itself.
For the first few months of my relationship protocol was a very big deal. I had certain things to do almost like a ritual. I was expected to act a certain way and word my responses in a way that was showing the most respect. I really enjoyed that aspect of of the relationship.
For me the whole thing that interested me in this lifestyle was the giving up of control. I am a mommy all day everyday. (and sometimes all night too) But mostly, when my son went to bed, the control was happily given over to M. I could feel my whole body relax and the stress of the day just leave my body as I slid from mommy into slave. The protocol that was expected of me was what made it so easy to transition. I knew my jobs were, I knew how I was supposed to please him and talk to him. It was just easier.
I used the past tense in a lot of the previous paragraphs because sadly there is no longer a protocol. We have lost the M/s of who we were as a couple. We still love each other very much, but have lost the one thing that brought us together in the first place.
I didn’t realize how important to me protocol was until I sat down to write this. I miss the formality of it. I miss the sliding into my place like sliding into a comfy sweater. I’ve been feeling a little lost lately, and maybe this is what was at the root of it. I need that back, the code that I’m expected to follow.
I don’t know if this is what others think of when they think of protocol but to me that is what it means. I really look forward to continuing these kink of the week postings. I’m starting to find myself again in remembering and thinking about these topics.