I was on fetlife tonight and came across a group about kinky play vs abuse. I looked through it expecting to find an informed person trying to help people differentiate between the two.
What I saw instead was a girl with a personal vendetta. Now I’m not saying I blame her for feeling the way she did. Apparently her sister was in an abusive relationship and when she tried to leave he killed her. So yes, I can understand why she would be upset about abuse. But to come on a site like fetlife and accuse everyone that was physical with their significant other of being abusive is completely unfair.
As I habe mentioned before I was in an abusive relationship for 8 months. It was in no way consensual or wanted. Was that abuse? Yes.
Now, I have been with M for almost 3 years now. I’m sure that to someone that is not into what we do would think it is abuse. But it is not. Are there some similarities between what my ex did and what M does? Yea, but the very huge difference here is consent.
I gave my consent to M to be my master. I entered into a relationship with him as his slave with a sound mind. I knew what I was getting into. Honestly, I looked forward to the pain aspect.
Normally, I keep quiet and just silently lurk on posts. But this instance made me angry. For someone to sit there and say that even if I did consent I was obviously not mentally capable of making that decision. And that anyone that enjoyed inflicting pain was an abuser hiding behind the pretense of kink. That is ridiculous.
Are there people that abuse the concept of bdsm for their own issues? Yes, but the same can be said for any type of relationship.
Another thing that bothered me was she was insinuating that how far is too far. How long would it be before the top snapped and actually killed the bottom. That is also an insult to not only the top, but to the bottom. Most people in these relationships go into them knowing their partner. To jump into any relationship, be it kinky or otherwise, is very risky. There has to be trust established before just handing your control over to someone else. You give your consent to someone that you know is not a serial killer.
That’s what I never understood about people like her and the ones that say things like “What if he decides to cut your arm off, do you consent to that?” Well I seriously hope that you would not put yourself into the control of someone you felt was capable of wanting to do that. That should be a no brainer that you don’t consent to that. If that even has to be a question asked of a person then my advise is to run far far away.
I just wish that those people would stop their protests long enough to do some research and actually talk to the “poor, helpless slaves” that they think need rescuing. I am in no need of a rescuer. Actually if anything I need someone to talk M into doing a little more beating over here. 🙂